I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
