He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
