On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize