The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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