Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
