honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
