We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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