I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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