saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
