Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
