Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
