the condom got lost in my hair
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
