But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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