You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
