Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Acid is not a monday night drug
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
