if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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