No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
