Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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