I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
