its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
