yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
