I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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