We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
