it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
