I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
