nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
