I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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