So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
