she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
