there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
