these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He literally asked permission to hit on me
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
