About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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