Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
