i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Randomize
