Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
