last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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