It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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