what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
