he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize