Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
That accounts for only three of the penises
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
