from now on my penis is your penis
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
