like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
