my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
