as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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