i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
