I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I can text with my tongue
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
