Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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