never play flip cup with pint glasses
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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