i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize