I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
