I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
