Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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