the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
