We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
