just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
