If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
