HIV tests are more positive than that guy
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize