were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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