I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
