I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
