Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
