Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
It's official drugs can't kill me
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
