i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
