So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
