i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Randomize
