Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
